YourChoice Blog

Coping with the holidays after the death of a loved one is anything but simple or easy. It may feel like the world around you is bustling with joy, jingling bells and decking the halls. For those suffering a loss, the holidays might bring new waves of grief emotions and memories. The holidays may intensify and complicate grief with feelings ranging from sadness and numbness, to resentment, anger and guilt. Some might experience sprinklings of positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and nostalgia. Waves of joy might be followed by more guilt and sadness. All of these emotions are a part of the bitter, and sometimes sweet, normal process of bereavement.

 

After the loss of my Nana, who always made the holidays feel so full of love, the range of emotions were present in all of my family members. It isn’t easy, but each year we make the special foods that she cooked for us (rum cake and coconut spiced fruit salad) and talk about all the beautiful memories we have of her as we unwrap the decorations she gifted us in years past. For us, talking about her keeps her presence alive and the memories sweet.

 

Navigating your way through the holidays may be confusing and complicated, but Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. offers a few suggestions in her PsychCentral article to make the holiday season a bit more manageable:

Culturally, Americans struggle with death, goodbyes and loss. The pressure to “move on” after a loss is unfair and unrealistic. Most people take three to five years to fully accept the loss of a loved one.

It’s normal and healthy to bow out of some of the extra events during the holidays. It’s also normal and healthy to want to participate. You know yourself best; make decisions that are going to honor your sense of self during this extra busy time of year.

Schedule time to take care of yourself. Be disciplined to follow your normal routines even if you don’t feel like it. Get enough rest, eat well, manage your stressors and commitments, and BREATHE.

Do you want to be with friends and family during the holidays or do you want to take some time to be alone? Think about what’s best for you. Sometimes crowds are too overwhelming; sometimes being alone makes the loneliness even harder to bear.

Some people love getting lost in all the details of making a party happen, while others might find hosting too hard during a time of mourning. Those who truly care about you will understand if you need to change plans this year. If you choose to host, accept offers for help and ask people to assist to decrease some of the extra responsibilities.

Think about what traditions are important to honor during the holidays. Think about which traditions you want to change this year. Is there a new tradition you can create to honor your loved one?

Share with your friends and family that this holiday season is going to be different and difficult. Maybe you’ve been thinking about meeting with a counselor, this might be a good time to get some extra support.

 

How do you honor the memories of your loved ones?

 

Manatee YourChoice offers counseling services to Manatee County Government employees and health plan members. Visit the LAMP website to learn more about these benefits, or schedule an appointment by calling 941.741.2995.