Julie Wilson, MA
LAMP Advocate
LAMP Advocate
The day after Christmas, Roberta made a New Year’s resolution. That she’d get healthy in the new year, starting on January 1 – OK, January 2 – but just so she could enjoy New Year’s Day games, grog and goodies. But then she’d get right on it. She’d eat healthy, join the gym, drink less wine and spend less time on Facebook.
The week of January 2 went well and she was feeling fantastic. Then the weekend came and she was too busy putting away Christmas to exercise. And she deserved the chips and dip and extra glass of wine that night, right? The next week, her Monday commute was a nightmare and her inbox was piled high with unfinished work, not to mention all the new stuff she had to do. She felt crabby, overwhelmed, anxious and a little depressed. As she was putting her lunch in the fridge, she discovered doughnuts in the kitchen – her favorite, boston cream-filled. She grabbed one and headed to her office, saying to herself, “Screw it, I blew it”. And didn’t revisit her New Year’s resolutions again.
WHO’S ROBERTA? She’s most of us!
When wanting to change a behavior, we often overlook a huge barrier to lifelong success – STRESS! Stress happens in the part of the brain related to fight or flight, a response designed to help us stay safe in times when our very lives depend upon successfully fighting or fleeing. It happens in a different part of the brain than rational thought – that’s the part that links behavior to consequences, makes plans and decisions. That part of the brain is weakened when we’re under stress and we automatically revert to the old, more comfortable, known behaviors - habits - that make us feel good. Even if we know in our rational brain that it only makes us feel good temporarily (after that we just feel guilty) and it’s not what we want to do! Crazy, huh? Explains a lot.
When you’re stressed, try this: S.T.O.P.
- Stop. Instead of automatically responding in the old way, stop in your tracks.
- Take a breath. Breathe deeply a few times, focusing your thoughts on just breathing, in and out.
- Observe. Become aware of what’s going on for you: think about what’s stressing you out (piles of work, not enough time), how you habitually think about it (“I’ll never get caught up”), how you habitually feel about it (angry, worried and sad) and how you habitually respond to it (the doughnut). Then consider that you have choices - do you want to make the old choice? Or do you want to make a different choice in how you respond? What are some alternative choices that are more consistent with what you want for your life right now (a short walk, a brief chat with a friend, a review of things to be grateful for today)? HINT: keep breathing deeply here – it helps to kick the rational brain into gear!
- Proceed. Make a decision (even if it’s the doughnut) and go with it. Don’t judge! Know that you can make a different choice any time you want.
When you practice S.T.O.P., you can make a different choice. Intentionally. Purposefully. That’s powerful. That’s MINDFULNESS. And over time, as you continue to practice new desired behaviors and responses that you choose, they become your new habits. Crazy, huh? It can work with any behavior you want to change – smoking, sitting, eating, acting out, etc. Just try it, practice it and see what happens.
Wishing you well in 2017!
